After work I went to visit my mom for our weekly dinner and chat - we're working on improving our relationship. I finally opened up to her about what transpired between him and I, and I advised her that I was dealing much better with it now than I was a month ago. As usual, any time I share personal situations with my mom, she ties it to something that she experienced in her life at some point. Sometimes her stories serve a purpose, other times they just become a way for her to process past events she has yet to deal with. The whole thing is very Iyanla Vanzant meets Dr. Nancy Alvarez. Joking aside, it was a very cathartic interaction.
On my way home I decided to drop by my P.O.B and check mail - keeping my fingers crossed that my delayed Netflix had arrived. I reached into the box and pulled out all contents, Netflix, Bank of America statement, and a letter from the NYC Department of Finance (very odd).
I immediately opened up the letter to find out that it was a Notice of Impending Default Judgement on an unpaid parking ticket. I was all too knowledgeable of what this was.
It's flashback time...
On June 3rd, he borrowed the car to meet up his relatives for dinner. I told him if I needed the car, I would call the next morning and pick it up. Around 10am, on June 4th, I called and voicedmailed him that I needed to pick up the car so that I could run some errands with my mom. He called me back shortly there after and told me that there was some work being done from his apartment and he would call me from his mother's house. I never got a call back. I went about my business and ran the errands with my mom. I called again (voicemail) around 3p and inquired about the car. He told me that he was in the city. I advised him that I needed the car because I have not completed all errands I had planned due to not having the car. I asked that he bring the car to me at 7p.
I was given the car back promptly at 7p. On my way to my mom's curiosity got the best of me and I started browsing through the Garmin. I came across some very questionable addresses which included locations in Brooklyn, Inwood, Bronx and Manhattan - places he'd never mentioned. Perhaps my mistake was not questioning these addresses immediately. Instead I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him.
About a week later I found a slip of paper in the driver's side door, which contained information for the NYC Department of Finance, the phone number to Pier 76, and an amount for $185. I knew immediately what that dollar amount represented. If any of you have ever had your car towed in NYC, you know the heavy personal and financial burden incurred.
I sat on this information up until this past Monday.
Flash forward...
I was enraged. Just when I thought I was making some headway, moving on, slowly achieving a sense of closure, I allowed this letter to pull me back. As always, I reached out to my closest gays and hags, and inqured about the best course of action. The consensus was that he should be the one to pay. I thought about mailing him a copy of the letter asking that it be paid. Then I thought if he hasn't paid for it since, what's to say he's gonna pay for it now?
I called.
I tried my best to be as calm and level headed as possible, but the more I spoke the angrier I became. I informed him that the particular day in question was the day I needed the car, and not once did he have the decency to tell me exactly where my car was. I also told him that I had known about this situation since a week after it happened, when I could the slip of paper in the car. I challenged him (using the word "fuck") to explain to me why he didn't tell me about this. If he paid the tow and got my car back why couldn't he just have said, "Hey the car got towed I took care of it." Unfortunately, he chose to keep it from me. I blasted (used "fuck" again) him on the fact that if he kept this from me I can't even begin to think what else ("fuck") he's kept from me.
Once again I apologized for kicking him out in the manner in which I did (I know I need to stop apologizing!). And I also mentioned the reason why I chose to do what I did was to protect myself from getting hurt, and keeping something like this from me partially validated my actions.
Yesterday I received a voicemail from him. This was the first time I'd heard his voice since June 16th. It was painful to hear it. He explained that he thought he had taken care of the ticket and that he was going to take care of it. In respect to everything else, he said he was still pissed off about me kicking him out, and what has happened after that day just makes things all the more difficult. He said he was dealing with it and moving on. He also explained what happened June 4th. Apparently, after dinner with his family he went out with a co-worker, got fucked up and left the car in the city. They decided it would be best to leave the car and come back in the morning to get it. When he returned the next morning, the car had been towed.
Part of me really wants to believe that's exactly what happened.
I am angry. I am hurt. I feel empty and my sense of trust is so beyond fucked up at this point. I have not felt this way in almost 13 years - my first failed relationship. Every other relationship since my first I have been able to process a separation/breakup much more smoothly. Unfortunately, this one is different.
"This too shall pass mentality" is not quite working for me at this point.
I placed too much emphasis and faith on this one, unlike any other. I didn't realize I had done so until everything fell apart.
On top of all this b.s. what gets to me is that it seems as though every time I take a step forward, the past somehow comes back to bite me in the ass. What the hell does this all mean?
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