I just move on...

While truckin' down 

The road of life

Although all hope seems gone...

I just move on

Catherine Zeta Jones - Chicago

The last couple of weeks haven't been easy. Easier than previous weeks perhaps, but certainly not easy. Over the last couple of weeks I've been working on reaching some sense closure. It's rather hard to close a chapter of your life, that to an extent is still open. Am I in denial? Reluctant? Okay I guess I should backtrack and give you background.

I have not seen him since I dropped him off. Texting has become our sole mode of communication. I have called several times, only to be greeted by Sprint's Voicemail System. Voicemail replies have always been in the form of text. Sometimes my texts are replied, sometimes they're not. An invitation to dinner has been partially answered - never fulfilled.

I fully understand everyone processes emotional hardships differently. Unfortunately, it's a bit hard for me to accept how emotionally/physically distant he has become. How reluctant he is to address the situation. I guess because I'm comparing him to me, and how I'm handling the situation. Maybe it's not comparing so much as projecting. Help me out here people. Which one is it? Comparing or projecting?

Anyways, this week has been about moving on. Taking small steps towards accepting the fact that things are as they are. I've done my part. I've reached out. As most of my friends have said, "You've done enough!" Something I've been shouting to myself lately. 

I have done enough. I have been through enough. In 30 days I've lost a little over 30lbs. Great for getting back in shape, bad for such rapid weight loss. Trust me through this whole ordeal I've done nothing but eat. Unfortunately, everyone process emotional hardships differently - this is part of my way. I've cried more than I've done in previous failed relationships. I've endured 6 anxiety attacks - 3 at work, 2 at home, a mild one in public. Then, there were the dark days, when I didn't want to leave the house. 

Fortunately, throughout all this, I've had a tiny little light of hope. That as the time passed, things would get a little easier. I love and respect myself far too much to let life's curve balls knock me down for good. You just have to get right back up, and just move on...