Recently I was reminded once again that sometimes I can not fix everything. Sometimes it is best to let go and step away from yet another inevitable emotional collision.
Two years ago, I ended a relationship which in retrospect began just as inexplicably as it ended. During the final days I recall the particular conversation which led to my decision to end the relationship. "I self-sabotage relationships," he said to me. The next day, I packed up his belongings and advised that perhaps it would be best if we parted ways. From the moment he walked out the door, I blamed myself. Not so much because of the choice I had made, but for the realization that I had perpetuated and subjected myself to a false relationship for months before I decided to end it.
It took me a good year before I had felt healed. It was around that 'year after' mark that I realized I needed to stop breaking my own heart over matters that are beyond my control. I also realized that the act of control should never enter into the realm of a relationship, despite predominant the notion that relationships are essentially battles for supremacy.
Sometimes people involve themselves with partners who may not necessarily compliment them. We fall into this false notion that we have found our other. There is courage in recognizing the real as opposed to the convenient. For when it comes to love, in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
2 comments:
You kicked Adam out your house? Work work work!
We are a culimination of who we were, who we are, and whom we aim to be. Somewhere in all those 'who's' we need to find forgivness in thy self for every bumble we make, for every wrong we permit, and for every self loathing thought we have. Concentrate not so much in the past thoughts but instead on how much you've grown since then. Sometimes, that thought (the thought of personal growth) is little less than comforting....but at the end of the day....self evolution is all we have, all that is truly all our own, all that truly defines our personal legend.
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