Stop Breaking Your Own Heart: The Art of Self Sabotage

Recently I was reminded once again that sometimes I can not fix everything. Sometimes it is best to let go and step away from yet another inevitable emotional collision.


Two years ago, I ended a relationship which in retrospect began just as inexplicably as it ended. During the final days I recall the particular conversation which led to my decision to end the relationship. "I self-sabotage relationships," he said to me. The next day, I packed up his belongings and advised that perhaps it would be best if we parted ways. From the moment he walked out the door, I blamed myself. Not so much because of the choice I had made, but for the realization that I had perpetuated and subjected myself to a false relationship for months before I decided to end it.


It took me a good year before I had felt healed. It was around that 'year after' mark that I realized I needed to stop breaking my own heart over matters that are beyond my control. I also realized that the act of control should never enter into the realm of a relationship, despite predominant the notion that relationships are essentially battles for supremacy.


Sometimes people involve themselves with partners who may not necessarily compliment them. We fall into this false notion that we have found our other. There is courage in recognizing the real as opposed to the convenient. For when it comes to love, in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

I find myself once again at a crossroads. As a result of which, I am emotionally drained and lacking focus. Just light a candle in a effort to shed some light and clarity. Almost instantly I found myself thinking… "be cheerful... strive to be happy."

I remember the first time I heard those words. I was listening to a Brothomstates set, back in 2002 which started off with a man reciting a poem which resonated with me. I did a little research and I discovered… Desiderata.

Desiderata has been with me now for nine years. I spent months trying to commit the entire poem to mind. And then I found myself letting go of that desire. I decided to carry it with me, and reflecting on it when I felt a need. 

Over the last nine years, when I find myself facing uncertainty, I am drawn to Desiderata as a means of seeking solace and encouragement.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920